Walking While Fat and Female

I started walking between 5 and 12 miles a day about a year after I moved to Seattle. The main motivator was a crippling anxiety about being late coupled with an inconsistent public transportation system (that will now become less consistent, yippee). Additionally, working in an industry with late nights (I house manage for various theaters) means that if you're reliant on public transit, you will be waiting for an hour at a scary bus stop with Mr. and Mrs. Meth Addict at 1:30 in the morning. Walking became a way for me to take control of my commute. It was my time. Four mile walk to work. Four mile walk back. In the rain. In the dark. In the cold. Every season. Sometimes with tunes. Sometimes with "Stuff You Missed in History Class." Sometimes talking to myself. And sometimes with silence.

When I moved to Seattle I weighed 260 pounds. Because I walk so much (and lead a pretty active life here) I now hover between 175 and 190 depending on the the time of year. And I'm f*cking strong. I run several times a week and I'm training for my first triathlon. But I'm still fat. And I'm good with that.


I never started walking places to lose weight. I started walking because I like to walk and because it was a chance for me to have my time before and after a stressful day. It was a chance for me to explore the city and see it in a way that people driving past wouldn't ever be able to. Walking became a lot more than just my time, though. It's how I started writing again. Being in my head with time just for me to talk out an idea, or listen to character voices jump-started my imagination after a few years of feeling lost.

So, why not walk?

According to a number of men who seem to come crawling out of their hidey hole around this time of year, here's why: 

1. I'm a woman.
2. I'm fat.
3. I'm sexy.
4. I'm a c*nt.
5. I need a man.
6. I'm walking.
7. I'm walking with another woman.
8. I have tits.

Last night, I was walking across a crosswalk while fat and female. Two guys in a white SUV rolled down their window to say. "Hey, c*nt. C*nt. Hey. You're fat. Fat, fat c*nt. Fat. Fat. C*nt." I didn't even realize they were talking to me at first. By the time I'd made it past their car, the guy in the passenger seat had rolled down his window to continue yelling at me. Changing it slightly to make it very clear that yes, they were talking to me and yes, they wanted a reaction. I didn't have one. I was in my time. My time to walk, to think, to decompress after a long day. I just kept walking.

That's my automatic response of self-preservation. Just keep walking. Don't react. Don't turn to look at them. Don't stop. I'm a hothead in certain situations. I work customer service, so I've got things pretty well under control, but in the heat of the moment, if I don't count to 10, I will say or do something that will escalate a situation. And when you're a woman who walks home alone at night, you learn not to escalate. Because whoever is yelling at you from their weapon (a car is a weapon) could decide to hit you with it. Or could chase you. Or could jump out and run after you at the next stoplight. So I keep walking.

Being a woman (cis, trans or otherwise) means that you grow accustomed to men and sometimes women commenting about your body on a regular basis without provocation. When I run, there's the occasional man that feels it's his duty to tell me, "You go, honey. You're gonna lose that weight!" as if that's why I'm running, to fit in with what the expectation of what a woman should look like and be. I'm a good fatty. I run. I'm trying to be thin.

A man once came up to me on the street just to tell me that I was too fat for the dress that I was wearing. Thanks, arbiter of my fashion fat. I couldn't do it without you.

A huddle of male teens asked me to suck them off as I walked past them after 9 p.m.. They made it clear that they didn't want to f*ck me. I was too fat for that. But oral sex would be all right. They were doing me a favor, you see.

Again. I don't escalate. I don't acknowledge. I'm not saying this is the right way to deal with these situations. I'm saying it's how I deal with them. I've tried others. But there's no reasoning with stupid. And there's also a greater risk of escalating a situation when you engage it. Being a woman means that I already feel unsafe 50% of the time. And when I'm alone, I don't need to feel even more unsafe just to make a point. No matter how much I want to say, "F*ck off" or, "You know someone has said the same thing to your mama, right?" I just keep walking or running past because saying the greatest, most eloquent, feminist statement is not worth dying for, right?

So, I do what I believe most of the women I know do -- try to talk about it. Share it with people after it happened. Let them know that it happened. That it keeps happening. But then, I'm met with the resounding, "Not all men are like that, you know." (Seriously, do you want a cookie for not being a douche?) Or, "Walking by yourself is dangerous."

I'm sick of it. I'm sick of not feeling like I can say anything to the idiots that yell at me. Like I can't react. And that I can't even share that this experience happens daily with supposed allies. Not all men shout at me from cars. But the ones that do shout at me are the ones that make it unsafe to walk in my city. And you telling me that not all men do that doesn't make my walk, or drive, or existence safer. It makes it more challenging to say, "This happened and it was wrong." It makes it harder to call out this behavior for what it is -- misogynistic, sexist, rape culture bullsh*t behavior. I don't care that not all men are like this. I care that it happens. That it continues to happen. That it's common. That it's so common that when I hear a woman start talking about it with other women, those women can point to at least one similar incident that's happened to them in the past two weeks.

I want to share these stories. I want to know when it happens to other women, my friends and colleagues. And I want the men and women in my life to know that it happens, too. It's not isolated. And even if not all men are like that, it sure happens a helluva a lot, so maybe start being on the lookout for it. Be an actual ally in this instead of just saying that you aren't like that, but what I do is dangerous. That being out past 9 is dangerous. That helps no one, least of all the women who have to be out past 9, or the women who should go out past 9 because it's a f*cking right to be out whenever the f*ck we want to be.

Me walking home at night or in the day time (harassment isn't just a nighttime activity) is as safe as you driving your car home. By which I mean it's inherently dangerous. Everything has risks. But walking while fat and female -- that's apparently the riskiest of all, dude.

This post originally appeared on CourtneyMeaker.com

Follow Courtney Meaker on Twitter: www.twitter.com/cmeak

Walking While Fat and Female

I started walking between 5 and 12 miles a day about a year after I moved to Seattle. The main motivator was a crippling anxiety about being late coupled with an inconsistent public transportation system (that will now become less consistent, yippee). Additionally, working in an industry with late nights (I house manage for various theaters) means that if you're reliant on public transit, you will be waiting for an hour at a scary bus stop with Mr. and Mrs. Meth Addict at 1:30 in the morning. Walking became a way for me to take control of my commute. It was my time. Four mile walk to work. Four mile walk back. In the rain. In the dark. In the cold. Every season. Sometimes with tunes. Sometimes with "Stuff You Missed in History Class." Sometimes talking to myself. And sometimes with silence.

When I moved to Seattle I weighed 260 pounds. Because I walk so much (and lead a pretty active life here) I now hover between 175 and 190 depending on the the time of year. And I'm f*cking strong. I run several times a week and I'm training for my first triathlon. But I'm still fat. And I'm good with that.

My Cat Has a Staring Problem!

My cat has a serious staring problem. Does anyone else's cat have the same problem? Sometimes he stares at me like he can hear my thoughts. It spooks the hell out of me sometimes!

Is a lack of sleep making me fat?

With an ever-increasing number of studies finding a direct connection between sleep deprivation and weight gain, it's difficult to deny the cause-and-effect relationship. People who get at least seven hours of sleep per night tend to have less body fat than people who don't. There are, of course, other factors involved in determining who becomes overweight and who doesn't, like food intake, exercise and genes. But sleep is a more integral of the process than most people realize. In a study involving 9,000 people between 1982 and 1984, researchers found that people who averaged six hours of sleep per night were 27 percent more likely to be overweight than their seven-to-nine hour counterparts; and those averaging five hours of sleep per night were 73 percent more likely to be overweight.

What's Wrong With Me?

Why am I waking up so early on a weekend?! The fur-baby didn't meow me awake. I just woke up with the worst headache, and such a dry mouth. I was bad last night... I had pizza. I feel so disgusted and disappointed in myself. I haven't had any junk food for quite some time, but I couldn't resist it. I sure felt my mistake this morning... I feel so dehydrated from the sodium. I haven't been eating anything high in sodium, and I haven't been using salt.

After my night of binging on a small vegetarian pizza, I feel ill. It really is true when they say "You are what you eat"... because right now I feel like shit. Good thing it was only a small... because it's completely gone. I have a major eating disorder and it's controlling my life. Food is all I think about... it's my drug of choice... it's my enemy. I hate myself today... no more pizza... it's time to block them from my computer.

Today is such a pretty day outside... 28*C! I don't know why but I'm soooo tired, feel like zombie. I have no interest in even stepping outside... what's wrong with me? I'm still sick... can't get rid of the cough that I have. I've had this cold now for over 2 weeks.

The last time I weighed myself I was 285Lbs on a liquid diet... today I weighed myself and I'm 283Lbs, but I'm back on solid foods. I would like to drop 20Lbs in the next couple weeks since summer is basically here. I just want to feel more comfortable in my skin... that 20Lbs makes a huge difference.

I just found out that I'm only covered 70% for short term disability now, since I've been on it for about 15 weeks. Shit... that will just basically pay for my rent... no living expenses. I have to try to get back to work... try to keep my mind clear. Pray that I can do it. Pray that I feel better by next week. My boss is off this week on holidays... so it's time to meditate and relax. I have been sleeping a lot the last week since I've been back on the Seroquel. The side effects have worn off a bit... but I've been having some crazy nightmares.



I just stepped on the scale by my washroom... wow... 292Lbs. Since I've been off work I've really let myself go to shit. It's nice out and I have to try to drop some weight so I will feel more comfortable this summer. I guess right now I can't really afford to be eating out... so that solves that problem.

Day 1... 292Lbs...

New Thinspiration

How in the world did I let myself get so fat? I eat my troubles away and then I hate looking in the mirror... I feel so gross and disgusting... I hate myself. I have gotten to the point where I don't even want to go out anymore. I just weighed myself and I've gotten to 293LBS. No more junk food, no more food... only eating to survive... only fruits, veggies and liquids. I will beat this eating disorder.... I must.

Untitled

Weird looks and stifled laughs.
Obvious whispers and earthquake jokes.
Whenever I walk out my door,
People act like they've never seen a fat girl before.

As if I'm some rare abomination.
I'm just an embarrassment,
To our self-absorbed nation.
People who look like me,
Should never go outside.

No one sees my beautiful eyes.
No one sees my curly brown hair.
No one sees my pretty smile.
They focus on my belly,
Not caring about the rest of me.

At times it bothers me.
It even makes me cry.
Yet I know,
That if people really feel the need,
To waste their time making fun of me,
They are the ones,
Who are really hurting inside.

By: Kimberly, 2009

My Disorder

There is a monster living deep inside of me.
He eats my insides making me feel hungry.
I try to fill the void that he leaves inside.
No matter how much I bury him,
He just wont die.

I know the problem,
So why cant I stop?
I eat and eat until I feel my insides rot.
I beat myself with guilt,
Every time I let that monster win.
But when I'm done feeling sorry for myself,
The cycle begins all over again.

I get called so many vile names because I'm fat.
You'd think I'd want to stop just because of that.
But the pain people cause just makes me crave more.
I find myself hiding behind the refrigerator door.

I can't go on living this lie.
I am tired of drowning the pain,
That I try to hide.
My secret is tearing me apart.
Because no amount of food in the world,
Will satisfy my starving heart.

By: Kimberly, 2009

You Are What You Eat

For many, springtime means revamping exercise regimens, improving appearance, reading more books, taking on a new hobby, and improving dietary habits.

Vegetables, like spinach are key to keeping your heart in prime condition and building better bones.

Great news is that following good-for-you food goals will help your whole body -- from your skin to your brain -- so you can tackle those other resolutions with ease.
"The best way to have healthy hair, eyes, and skin is to take good overall care of yourself. That means eating well," said Dr. David L. Katz, director of the Yale Prevention Research Center at Yale University. So whether it's your heart, brain, bones, eyes, skin, or hair you seek to nurture, there are foods up to the task.
"The more colors you get into your diet, the better," Katz said. A variety of fruits and vegetables supplies antioxidants and vitamins that are most powerful when working together. Daily servings of whole grains, lean protein, and dairy round out your body's needs. A diet rich in fresh, whole foods, full of colors and rich textures, satisfies with abundant flavor, and nourishes every part of your body.

For Silky Skin and Hair
Antioxidants like lycopene and vitamin C, as well as soy protein and omega-3 fatty acids, help keep skin glowing. Antioxidants have long been the rage in topical skin care, but those same nutrients work even better from the inside out. When skin (the body's largest organ) is exposed to the sun's rays, free radicals can develop, Katz explained. "These free radicals attack the skin and impair blood flow to the area, causing premature aging. Antioxidants fight that process."
Vitamin C, found in citrus fruits, facilitates collagen production, a critical component for vibrant skin. Another antioxidant, lycopene, found in foods like canned tomatoes and red grapefruit juice, also promotes skin health. Tofu is a good option since its omega-3 fatty acids help regenerate new skin cells and reduce inflammation, while its soy protein has been shown to boost collagen.
Shiny, healthy hair starts with the vitality of cells in the hair follicle, where hair is manufactured, says Katz. Eat foods high in calcium and quality protein like eggs, dairy, or fish. Eggs also provide biotin, a structural component of both bone and hair. Vitamins B6, B12, and folate nourish follicle cells, too.

Eat For Your Eyes
According to a study published in the Archives of Ophthalmology, people who ate two servings of fish weekly benefited from an almost 50 percent decrease in the risk of age-related macular degeneration (AMD), said Dr. Emily Chew, deputy director of the division of epidemiology and clinical research at the National Eye Institute. Eggs, leafy greens, broccoli, winter squash, and Brussels sprouts all contain the antioxidants lutein and zeaxanthin (both associated with eye health), as well as vitamins C and E, zinc, and beta-carotene.
Scientists are still investigating how these foods promote eye health. Observational studies show they likely reduce the risk of AMD, Chew said. No one knows exactly what lutein and zeaxanthin do for the eye, but it's thought they filter damaging light and support cell structure. Expect more answers in 2012, when Chew and colleagues hope to publish research on the effects of lutein, zeaxanthin, and omega-3 fatty acids from a study following 4,000 patients for five years.

Build Better Bones
Calcium, vitamin D, and phosphorus work together to build strong bones. Even though green leafy and cruciferous vegetables (like spinach and broccoli) contain calcium, the body absorbs it best from dairy products, said Joan Lappe, a bone health researcher and professor at Creighton University in Omaha, Nebraska.
Dairy products offer a package deal: they are abundant in phosphorous, and vitamin D added to milk and dairy products aids in calcium absorption. Some nondairy foods high in calcium include canned salmon, sardines, and calcium-fortified firm tofu. Greens are still good bone foods, however. Broccoli, kale, and bok choy may provide little calcium, but they offer plenty of vitamin K. Research is showing promise that vitamin K -- or some antioxidant or phytochemical in foods high in the vitamin -- boosts bone mineralization. Research published last year in Osteoporosis International followed postmenopausal women for three years, and found that those taking supplemental vitamin K maintained or enhanced bone strength, compared to those on a placebo.

Heart Helpers
Whole grains, fatty fish, and fresh fruits and vegetables are the keys to keeping your heart in prime condition.
A recent review of seven studies showed that two and a half servings of whole grains per day reduced heart attack and stroke risk by 21 percent, said lead author Dr. Philip Mellen, then an assistant professor at the Wake Forest School of Medicine in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. Whole grains are rich in antioxidants, especially vitamin E (also found in almonds, peanuts, and green leafy vegetables), which helps maintain healthy blood vessels. And soluble fiber from fruits, vegetables, and nuts helps lower harmful LDL cholesterol and control weight, both of which have a positive impact on heart health.
Further cut your risk of a heart attack by eating fish, especially those high in the omega-3 polyunsaturated fats like salmon, mackerel, or rainbow trout. Omega-3s make platelets in the blood less sticky, reducing clotting and the likelihood of a heart attack. Brain Boosters
Omega-3 fatty acids and whole grains are good for your heart -- and they're good for your brain and mental health, too. "People who are heart healthy are brain healthy," said Dr. Joseph S. Kass, assistant professor of neurology at Baylor College of Medicine in Houston, Texas.

Super Hoodia

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It's getting close to summer time ladies... we have to look cute in our bathing suits, so check out this site!Super Hoodia

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Abs Thinspiration

Lost 30Lbs!!!

I'm feeling a bit better, but I still feel like shit. I'm supposed to go back to work tomorrow... but I wont be going. I weighed myself this morning and I'm at 269Lbs. Not bad since I was at 300Lbs just a couple weeks back. I haven't been eating since I've been sick... all I've been having is liquids really. My goal is to get down to 230Lbs by easter, and then down to 200Lbs by spring. Think I can do it? Wish me luck!!!

Can't Sleep

I just woke up and feel like shit. It's 3am and I hate being alone at a time like this. I woke up and I knew that I was going to have a panic attack... so I called mommy. What's mommy going to do? Well really nothing since she lives like twenty minutes away... but whenever I don't feel good mommy makes me feel better!



Now that I think about it, I have been feeling off for a few days now. During those few days I cut back on my eating and been having just soup or a tomato sandwich. Over a week ago I was weighing at 300Lbs, and now I'm at 279.5! Like holy crap... in less then a week I dropped 20Lbs. Okay, so it's mostly water weight... but that's fuckin awesome. Too bad I feel like shit right now... but this is the perfect time to try and shrink my stomach and finally get on a diet.



I purposly didn't want to chose a new years resolution since I would break it... ya I know... I seem positive! Well I'm feeling fired up and I truely believe I can do this. I spoke to mom on the phone for like half an hour now... oh poor mommy for me waking her up. At least while I'm sick I've noticed the furry beast Mr Jingles clining to me... he doesn't want to leave my side. Okay... so he does leave my side as he gets bored... but he always seems to come back to check up on me.

New Years Resolution - Thinspiration

Double your chances of success

Achieving a healthy body weight involves a bit of a math equation.

There are approximately 3500 calories in one pound of stored fat, so you need to create a 3500 caloric deficit in order to lose one pound. If you're trying to accomplish this by diet or exercise alone, you may be setting yourself up for frustration and failure.

By making a few small changes with both your eating and exercise habits, changes won't be quite as dramatic and the process will be easier to manage.

Try combining a couple of the following nutrition and fitness strategies to approach it from both sides and double your chances of success.

Tips to top up your nutrition

Think small. Using smaller plates and bowls can help you with portion control. In research studies, diet participants who used smaller dishes and utensils lost more weight than participants using dishware we have come to know as normal.1

Slow down. Take your time when eating meals or snacks. When you eat on the run or too fast, you can easily lose control of portions. Eating slowly and chewing your food more thoroughly encourages a "full" feeling, which can help prevent overeating that can lead to weight gain and an upset digestive tract.2

Another trick to slowing down your pace of eating is to talk more and eat less!

Prep and pack nutrition. You often hear that eating small meals throughout the day is better for weight loss. Although there is some controversy about the exact timing with this strategy, making healthy choices for those meals and snacks is key. This is where preparation and planning are required so that you don't get caught hungry without healthy choices. Whether you chose to eat 3 meals with snacks or 6 small meals, eating at regular intervals can help maintain both your energy and will power.

Pumping up your workouts

Adding more time to your workouts can be one way to help push past a plateau but it may not be practical or possible in your busy schedule. A more time-efficient option is to increase the intensity and the density of your workouts. Here are some tips and strategies for getting more results in the same amount of time.

Head up hill. Increase the number of calories burned and work your muscle more by adding resistance with your next cardiovascular workout. Depending on your aerobic activity of choice, there are a few quick and easy ways to add intensity here. Add an incline of 10-15 degrees on your favourite treadmill or elliptical machine. If you walk outside, find a small hill. In both cases, start with one or two hills and then start to increase the number and the incline when possible. If you're biking in the gym or taking a cycling class, add a bit more resistance on and off throughout your workout time.

Add weight to lose weight. Although cardio is important, resistance training is also an essential inclusion in your workout routine to successfully change your body weight and shape. Muscle is a highly metabolic tissue, which means it burns calories much faster than fat tissue. When you add even small amounts of muscle, you end up increasing the amount of calories you burn 24 hours a day.

Step it with a circuit. Circuit training is a face-paced workout where you move from one exercise to the next with little to no rest. A circuit can be all muscle conditioning or include short cardiovascular bursts for variety and challenge. Because these workouts include a lot of work time and a lot of muscle groups, they rank very high for calorie burning. 3

Remember that all the small steps and choices you make during the day add up. This means that a few extra calories saved or burned will help you to create that 3500 caloric deficit more quickly. It also means that one decision doesn't need to derail you. If you miss a workout or indulge in something on your diet list, simply try to balance it out with the balance of choices in your day.

I've Been Busy

Today is my second day at my new job! So far it seems good... a lot to remember. I don't believe I wrote an entry regarding my new job yet... I'm working for a major bank in the call center for their visa cards... yes I'm doing customer service again! I'm being positive about this job as it opens up many opportunities for the future. Pray that I make it through the training and transition on the phone with no problem.

The great thing about this job is that it's down the street from me. Since I was off work for four months I had put so much weight on. I am so out of shape... but by having the new job in walking distance, it forces me to get some exercise. It takes me about 20 minutes to walk there... so really with walking to and from work, five days a week the pounds should really melt off in the beginning! I am eating lighter meals and more healthy as well. Breakfast I've been sticking to a cup of Shreddies Whole Whest cereal with a cup of soy milk and a glass of Tropicana orange juice. For lunch I had an apple and two fat free cheese slices with Whole wheat Triscuits. For dinner I will have a bowl of yummy veggie soup. If I eat like this I should see some difference... wish me luck!

My starting weight was = 291Lbs ... yes I kept getting fatter day by day.
I am determined to look hot by next summer!!!