My Disorder

There is a monster living deep inside of me.
He eats my insides making me feel hungry.
I try to fill the void that he leaves inside.
No matter how much I bury him,
He just wont die.

I know the problem,
So why cant I stop?
I eat and eat until I feel my insides rot.
I beat myself with guilt,
Every time I let that monster win.
But when I'm done feeling sorry for myself,
The cycle begins all over again.

I get called so many vile names because I'm fat.
You'd think I'd want to stop just because of that.
But the pain people cause just makes me crave more.
I find myself hiding behind the refrigerator door.

I can't go on living this lie.
I am tired of drowning the pain,
That I try to hide.
My secret is tearing me apart.
Because no amount of food in the world,
Will satisfy my starving heart.

By: Kimberly, 2009