Finally Free

Last night was the first night on my own... Rachid moved out. At first I was a little nervous to sleep alone in the apartment... afraid of ghosts or some shit... I've seen too many movies! I guess in a way I'm afraid if I have a panic attack and no one is here. I have to try to control those... but I have to say that I feel great.

Since he moved out yesterday, I gave the apartment a good cleaning. I still have to work on the floor, and then it's perfect. I could only do so much yesterday since I was getting tired. The bathroom is sparkling... it has never been that shiny before. Every time I would clean, Rachid would mess it up and dirty it. It will be nice not finding hair on the soap and baby hairs from shaving in the sink. It will also be nice not to have dishes in the sink.

I have to say the biggest change would be in my cat Mr Jingles. Jingles was so antisocial a month back to the point that I was beginning to worry. I even took him to the vet and brought it up... but now I know it was only because of stress that he was acting out. Jingles even pee pee in bed on Rachid... but now everything is making sense. I noticed when Rachid started working more, that Jingles was getting his personality back. Now that Rachid has moved out... Jingles is the cute and cuddly furry beast he used to be. I'm amazed... it goes to show how fighting in a home can do fucked up things... he's just a cat and it really effected him... can you imagine what it would do to a child?

I finally did it... he's out... and it's time to move on and live my life... time to finally be free!

Double your chances of success

Achieving a healthy body weight involves a bit of a math equation.

There are approximately 3500 calories in one pound of stored fat, so you need to create a 3500 caloric deficit in order to lose one pound. If you're trying to accomplish this by diet or exercise alone, you may be setting yourself up for frustration and failure.

By making a few small changes with both your eating and exercise habits, changes won't be quite as dramatic and the process will be easier to manage.

Try combining a couple of the following nutrition and fitness strategies to approach it from both sides and double your chances of success.

Tips to top up your nutrition

Think small. Using smaller plates and bowls can help you with portion control. In research studies, diet participants who used smaller dishes and utensils lost more weight than participants using dishware we have come to know as normal.1

Slow down. Take your time when eating meals or snacks. When you eat on the run or too fast, you can easily lose control of portions. Eating slowly and chewing your food more thoroughly encourages a "full" feeling, which can help prevent overeating that can lead to weight gain and an upset digestive tract.2

Another trick to slowing down your pace of eating is to talk more and eat less!

Prep and pack nutrition. You often hear that eating small meals throughout the day is better for weight loss. Although there is some controversy about the exact timing with this strategy, making healthy choices for those meals and snacks is key. This is where preparation and planning are required so that you don't get caught hungry without healthy choices. Whether you chose to eat 3 meals with snacks or 6 small meals, eating at regular intervals can help maintain both your energy and will power.

Pumping up your workouts

Adding more time to your workouts can be one way to help push past a plateau but it may not be practical or possible in your busy schedule. A more time-efficient option is to increase the intensity and the density of your workouts. Here are some tips and strategies for getting more results in the same amount of time.

Head up hill. Increase the number of calories burned and work your muscle more by adding resistance with your next cardiovascular workout. Depending on your aerobic activity of choice, there are a few quick and easy ways to add intensity here. Add an incline of 10-15 degrees on your favourite treadmill or elliptical machine. If you walk outside, find a small hill. In both cases, start with one or two hills and then start to increase the number and the incline when possible. If you're biking in the gym or taking a cycling class, add a bit more resistance on and off throughout your workout time.

Add weight to lose weight. Although cardio is important, resistance training is also an essential inclusion in your workout routine to successfully change your body weight and shape. Muscle is a highly metabolic tissue, which means it burns calories much faster than fat tissue. When you add even small amounts of muscle, you end up increasing the amount of calories you burn 24 hours a day.

Step it with a circuit. Circuit training is a face-paced workout where you move from one exercise to the next with little to no rest. A circuit can be all muscle conditioning or include short cardiovascular bursts for variety and challenge. Because these workouts include a lot of work time and a lot of muscle groups, they rank very high for calorie burning. 3

Remember that all the small steps and choices you make during the day add up. This means that a few extra calories saved or burned will help you to create that 3500 caloric deficit more quickly. It also means that one decision doesn't need to derail you. If you miss a workout or indulge in something on your diet list, simply try to balance it out with the balance of choices in your day.

Just 2 Months Away!

Yes thats right... it's only 2 months until Christmas!
You may ask why I thought of this... well today in Toronto it snowed a bit... the first snowfall of the year!

Getting Into A Routine

It's the second week of my new job and it's going good so far. As you can tell I haven't been writing in my blog every day like before... well before I was unemployed and had all the time in the world! Ha! Ha! No... I'll get back to writing here every day once I get used to the routine of working again. I was off four months so I became a little lazy. Now that I'm working five days a week and actually starting in the morning, I find it a little hard. It's only nine in the evening and already I'm ready for bed!

I passed the first test with 85% so I'm very happy about that. In order to stay employed through the whole training process... I have to keep an 85% for all the testing. If I fail one I am able to rewrite once. Wish me luck that I can pass everything and succeed at this job! Working for a major bank could really help me with the future.

I've Been Busy

Today is my second day at my new job! So far it seems good... a lot to remember. I don't believe I wrote an entry regarding my new job yet... I'm working for a major bank in the call center for their visa cards... yes I'm doing customer service again! I'm being positive about this job as it opens up many opportunities for the future. Pray that I make it through the training and transition on the phone with no problem.

The great thing about this job is that it's down the street from me. Since I was off work for four months I had put so much weight on. I am so out of shape... but by having the new job in walking distance, it forces me to get some exercise. It takes me about 20 minutes to walk there... so really with walking to and from work, five days a week the pounds should really melt off in the beginning! I am eating lighter meals and more healthy as well. Breakfast I've been sticking to a cup of Shreddies Whole Whest cereal with a cup of soy milk and a glass of Tropicana orange juice. For lunch I had an apple and two fat free cheese slices with Whole wheat Triscuits. For dinner I will have a bowl of yummy veggie soup. If I eat like this I should see some difference... wish me luck!

My starting weight was = 291Lbs ... yes I kept getting fatter day by day.
I am determined to look hot by next summer!!!

Thinspiration

Love Is...

"Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil,
but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres....
Love never fails."
~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 ~

It's Finally Over

A lot has happend this past week and it has been great but a little sad. Rachid and I are officially over and he has found an apartment on his own. We sat down and gave it a good talk and both agree that we have been driving eachother nuts and it's not going to work. I have known this for a long time now that's it's over... it was just dragging on. Rachid is not a nice person half the time... if you're a regular reader you would know that already.

We have decided to go our separate ways and try to keep everything good between us... will try to stay friends through this all. I truely believe that he has a problem... that he's bipolar and I pray that he does realise that he needs some help. I don't know what the future holds, but I do wish him all the best. Even though I know this is for the best in our lives... it's still a little hard and sad. It wasn't all bad our marriage... we did have good times and good memories... I will try to take them with me.

Happy Turkey Day to everyone in Canada!

Mr Jingles Turned into Demon Cat!

Monday my mom came over and we took Mr Jingles to the vet. Yep... just as I expected he put up a nice fight when I tried to put him in the carrier! The ride to his favorite place was very quiet and he kept ignoring me! Yep... I knew he would be sulking!

So at the vet the doctor took a urine sample to make sure there's nothing wrong with him, as well as she checked his paws since he keeps chewing on them. The baby is very healthy with the exception of being a little fatty fatty! The baby didn't like his paws touched... he just layed there miserable and hissed at the vet. He was naughty!

Then when I was at the front desk taking out my credit card to pay, Mr Jingles turned into a demon kittie! He definatly was pissed at everyone and anyone who would come near him! Wow... He was swatting and hissing and even growling... yes... growling at everyone. Bad demon cat! I've never heard him growl before like a dog... was freaky.

So yesterday I got the results from the urine test... the baby is fine! The reason for him waking his mommy up and driving her nuts is due to stress... probably from all the fighting going on at home.

Re-Used Condoms... MUST READ THIS

First it's lead paint, pet food, tainted baby formula, and now this...why do we keep importing this crap ? Please take the time to check it out on snopes. It is unbelievable, but it IS true accordingto hoax sites.

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I too checked this on Snopes.com and it showed to be true...
check it out:
Snopes.com

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Be cautious of hair bands at open markets around the city too ? they are probably from China since they are purchased in bulk very very cheap !!!!
Take a good look before buying hair bands in future ? specially like the following kind?..



These Hair bands were made from used condoms and threads. That was so disgusting, I would not want to use them!!







BEIJING (AFP) - Used condoms are being recycled into hair bands in southern China threatening to spread sexually-transmittable diseases they were originally meant to prevent, state media reported Tuesday

In the latest example of potentially harmful Chinese-made products, rubber hair bands have been found in local markets and beauty salons in Dongguan and Guangzhou cities in southern Guangdong province, China Daily newspaper said.

'These cheap and colorful rubber bands and hair ties sell well .... threatening the health of local people,' it said.
Despite being recycled, the hair bands could still contain bacteria and viruses, it said.

'People could be infected with AIDS, (genital) warts or other diseases if they hold the rubber bands or strings in their mouths while waving their hair into plaits or buns,' the paper quoted a local dermatologist who gave only his surname, Dong, as saying. A bag of ten of the recycled bands sells for just 25 s en (three cents), much cheaper than others on the market, accounting for their popularity, the paper said.

A government official was quoted as saying recycling condoms was illegal. China's manufacturing industry has been repeatedly tarnished this year by a string of scandals involving shoddy or dangerous goods made for both domestic and foreign markets.

Someone dear to me sent me these words in an email and it actually cheered me up... thought it would be great to post it on my blog.



Good things come
through times of sorrow.
Love is shared.
Bonds are strengthened.
Commitment is renewed.
Faith is restored.

Have faith that
you're strong,
and that you'll get through
this rough time.
Better days are ahead.

I am dead tired but I cannot sleep. I have not slept properly for days and it is catching up on me. I can only sleep during the day once he has gone to work... I don't feel safe sleeping next to him. All I can do is write down my thoughts... it's the only thing that is keeping me sane.

No Love... Only Hurt

It hurts
The pain of remembering ~
The times I thought I was loved
And cherished
Honoured and protected....

The times I thought there was joy ~
Happiness to overcome the sorrow,
Laughter to overcome rhe tears;
Love to overcome the heartache....

The times I thought there was respect ~
Sacrifices made out of love
And admiration for one another,
Troubles shared
Burdens made lighter,
And independant thoughts valued....

The times I thought there was hope ~
Hope for a future together
Hand in hand
Sharing dreams and accomplishments
And our lives, forever....

I thought love covered a multitude of sins ~
And I had so much love to give,
But I felt much less in return
Than the wrongs dealt upon me;
Both mine and his....

I thought love was to be cherished ~
Something to handle with care
It's fragility is precious,
To be treasured and appreciated,
Not disregarded or neglected....

I thought love was to be honoured ~
To have esteem and admiration
For the one you love,
To have respect for their opinions,
Thoughts and feelings;
Not contempt or abuse....

I thought love was to be protected ~
A safeguard from the storms of life
A haven of security
Where I feel safe;
Not afraid, not destroyed....

I thought there was trust
Reliance, faith, commitment
And real love that could withstand the turmoils,
But what happened?
Instead, there was no trust,
No joy,
No respect,
No hope ~
No hope for love and security ~

And I trusted him,
And I loved him ~
And that hurts....

By Kimberly

Untitled Poem

Three years ago you took my hand
and vowed to love me forever
To cherish me for better or worse
and always be together.
I had so many dreams of love
that I thought we'd share
But it all changed so quickly
and I was not prepared.

Slap! A hand across my face
for talking back to you
With many words of disrespect.
This marriage of silent abuse
that no one else can hear
Reminds me I'll be bound to you
for the rest of my years.

Tears fall softly as I weep
remembering your hand
And power of your ruthless tongue ~
I did not understand.
The promises of love I made
on our wedding day
To you I gave my heart and soul
it was meant to be that way.

So I listen as you put me down
and make me feel like dirt
Reducing me to tears each time,
you wanted it to hurt!
Your accusations of affairs
you have in your mind
But your thoughts of my betrayal were just
the imaginative kind.

But there are times you're so loving
you show me that you care
And your love is so abundant in
the happy times we share.
You make me smile and fall in love
with you all over again
As I forget about those times
you bring me so much pain.

My tears of pain and confusion
I just don't know what to do
For no matter what you do to me
I still care for you.

The memory of our wedding day
now seems so long ago
With promises of love we made
this life we came to know
My tears now a reflection
of the emptiness inside ~
That day I became a battered wife
and not a blushing bride!

By Kimberly

The Worst Day Yet

The abuse has reached an all time high at home and I am at my breaking point. I feel so incredibly sick right now... so sick. I am at the point of losing my mind and I'm amazed that I haven't already. I don't even want to wait until the end of the month for the asshole to leave... I want him out now. I don't know what to do anymore... he seriously wants to ruin my life. I am truely afraid of him.

We have been over for a long while now... basically separated but stuck as roomates. I met someone who has been a true friend, a true special person through this all and Rachid is threatening to try to turn my friends against me. He's some how stolen ID's from my messenger... which by the way I have no idea how, and is planning on telling a bunch of lies to make me look like a horrible person. I give up... I have no energy left. I am sooooo upset... so scared... so stressed... so fucked up in the brain right now.

I am starting a new job in a week... and I have no idea how I will be able to focus and relax to do it. He wants to fuck up my life so I fail... he wants me to lose this job... he wants me to lose my friends... wants me to stay fat... wants me to be lonely... wants my family to hate me... wants me to be miserable in my life. I want my life back... I want to be happy... I want to be free. I don't want to be afraid any longer.

Is Something Wrong With My Cat? Please Leave Comments!

For those of you who read my blog on a regular basis, you would know that I'm obsessed with cats. Yes... I'm a crazy cat lady! Anyway, the reason I'm writing right now is that I'm a little concerned about Mr Jingles.

Mr Jingles has always tried to wake me up early morning everyday for the last two years... but lately he's been more annoying about it. Normally I would wake up, give him fresh water and food and go back to bed and everything is all happy. Lately that hasn't been enough. I'd lay in bed and he'd be meowing and meowing like there is not tomorrow. So I'd get up and check his litterbox... clean that even though it's not bad and then go back to bed. Two minutes later... meow meow... and I'm wondering what the hell is he doing. I get up again and empty his litter and wash the box, and then fill with fresh litter... come back to bed and try to sleep. Again... he'd start meowing and meowing... but this time it sounds like he's crying. Hmmm... what the hell does he want now? So I try to play with him... but he doesn't want to play. Hmmm... very interesting... so I come back to bed again.

Again about ten minutes later he starts meowing... this time I'm pissed and I ignore him... he jumps up and starts bugging me and Rachid in bed... a minute later... he pisses on us. Hmmm... great! So I wake up... remove the bed clothes and clean the bed... put fresh sheets on... and then go back to bed. This time he lets us sleep.



Anyone know what is going on? This went on for about a week and a half... it stopped... but I'm just curious if anyone else experienced this? Hmmm... was it a full moon outside? It might have been... does anyone know if that makes a difference?

Please leave comments and let me know!