Alzheimer's has taken over our lives - #mentallytired #alzheimers #heartbroken #missmygrandma

I'm so damn tired and heartbroken. Over the last year there's been a huge decline in my grandmother with her Alzheimer's. Never in a million years did I think she'd get like this... never thought she'd get old and lose her mind. Her memory is getting worse by the day. She used to just be forgetful, but now she forgets everything within one minute of saying it. It's frustrating, annoying at times, but mostly heartbreaking. 

I wouldn't wish this disease on anyone, not even my worst enemy. Seeing your loved one forgetting everything from the current as well as the past. No longer able to take care of themselves... we do everything for her. Doing everything isn't an issue, that's minor, although it's mentally exhausting. Earlier she wanted to buy a card and send it to her parents for Christmas... wondering if they've put their Christmas tree up yet. She was thinking that she should give them a call, since it's been a while. Her mother has been dead for over 40 years, and father longer. 

She doesn't realized she's in her 90's... probably thinks she's my age... in her 40's. She forgets that some of her siblings are dead, as well as her ex husband... she keeps asking about her wedding ring and why it's not on her finger. She hasn't worn that ring for as long as I can remember, and actually the diamond was lost out of the ring many years ago. 

Last night, or I should say early this morning, I heard my grandmother singing in the dark in her room. I could hear her singing "never grow old, never grow old"... it brought me to tears. My heart melted from heartache. I miss my grandma... the woman who used to be so strong, loving, and aware of everything. It's almost like an alien has taken over her mind, and I only see her true self for a short time daily. I'm lucky if I see her a couple minutes a day where she's like my old grandmother. I'm terrified and dread when it comes time that she's no longer there... when her mind is completely gone. I know eventually she won't know who I am, or who mom is. 

Here's the music she was listing to... the song she kept singing that brought me to tears. This song will forever be in my heart and remind me of her.