Thursday, 20 February 2020

Change is Hard #newbeginning #movingon

My family has gone through some major changes when it comes to the family. I haven't blogged about it, and have just been secretly battling it on my own. For quite some time I was in a mentally abusive relationship and it took far too long to officially leave it. I guess I kept thinking that I could change my ex and his habits, but he was a lost cause. For a while I was sad and had a hard time dealing with it, but I'm behind it now and I just worry for my daughter. She still doesn't understand that daddy isn't coming home... and unfortunately sometime soon she will learn the truth about her father. I don't want to bad mouth him... so I will just politely say that he has some mental issues that he needs to address. I guess in a way I gave him too many chances since I've battled with mental illness in the past... but I got help and overcome it.


Once upon a time I did love her father... but he made it very hard to make that permanent. Don't get me wrong... he will always hold a special part of me since we have a daughter together, but realistically, I can't change a grown ass man and his fucked up habits. I'm just heartbroken that Brianna will eventually know the truth.

Yesterday during a text argument I said that I wanted sole custody, and he threatened to have her taken away since I'm on medication and have been depressed in the past. I'm 100% stable, work a full time job, own a condo and also rent an apartment closer to her school and my work. I've been there for her since day one... where the fuck has he been? He didn't even visit us in the hospital after she was born. He didn't go out of his way for either one of us, and never will. I guess in a way I'm slightly pissed off and bitter, but he threatened to take her from me. Him who is on welfare and hasn't worked in over two years!

I really shouldn't let things get to me, and should just learn from the experience. Regardless of the drama, I've been blessed with a beautiful daughter and I love her so much. I just hope that soon things will get easier.


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