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Monday 18 October 2010

Guest Post - Day 1

By Boobies, Babies, & A Blog  GUEST BLOGGER

Hey Everyone! I'm Boobies and am greatly honored to be here guest posting for such an amazing chick. The marvelous Miss Kimberly is out having surgery, so I'm gonna help hold down the fort! We're all thinking about you Kim!! So get in there and get better...and make sure to keep the gown closed in the back--unless you wanna give people a free peep show. Doesn't hurt my feelings! ;)

There are things a woman never wants to hear her husband say. My personal list is endless and just when I think I have it nailed down, my husband outdoes himself.

First, you have the obvious.

"You're spending too much money."
"You don't need that many shoes."
"Have you gained weight?" (For the record, if my husband ever says this to me, I'll make him my wife!)

Then you have the 'Oh no he didn't' statements. Take for example last week when Mr. Boobies came home from work. Now I'll be clear and tell you-I don't cook. If cooking skills were measured by cup size, I'd still be rocking a training bra. Anywho, I was feeling domestic and made shrimp scampi. It was edible. Okay so honestly only my oldest son ate it. He'll eat anything, just like I guess we can't really gauge my Betty Crocker'ness by him. So Mr. Boobies walks through the door, crinkles his nose and says:

"What the hell is that horrible smell?"

Things you never want to hear your husband say.

Just when I thought that was probably the worst of it....Mr. Boobies does it again. Mr. B likes to text offensive jokes and pictures to his victims. He's endless with it...and the king of filth. A few nights ago, he's texting away and laughing a maniacal laugh.

Me: "Who are you texting?" 

Mr. Boobies: "Your Mom! Bwhahahahaha!" 

Me: "What? Give me your phone? I can't believe you would do that." 

I quickly scroll through his outbox of messages and locate my mother. He's sent her a slew of penis related items. A penis faucet, a penis bong, and a giant tree sporting an even bigger penis that says; "I found the tree you liked to play in as a little girl."

WHUUUUUUUUUUTTTTT? I'm totally mortified and quickly text Ma to apologize for my husband's fourth child's insanity.

Later, Mr. Boobies texts me a horrendous image of a vagina that resembles a cat and the message informs me I have contracted 'mad pussy disease.' Classy. I gag a little and ask him who gave him mad pussy disease.

Mr. Boobies grins and replies...."Your Mom."

 Things You NEVER Want To Hear Your Husband Say.

And he wasn't kidding...Mama never takes it lying down. So after he barraged her with penises....she hooked him up with that little jewel. Family dysfunction at it's finest, my friends!

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  1. hope kim recovers quickly .. this was a great post

  2. J you have me laughing my ass off. Great start to the morning :)

    Kim I hope you have a safe surgery and a speedy recovery!! =)

  3. This post was great!

    Kim, recover quickly!

  4. LOL!!! You crack me up! Thanx for starting my Monday out with an all out belly-laugh!

    Kim- thinking about you in the surgery.


  5. That is freaking hilarious! We need to hook Mr. Boobies up with Mr. RB. My hubs gets sent some of the most horrible stuff, but I have to say that half of the time it is from my DAD!

    Kim-Sending you my prayers and thoughts!

  6. Wow. You can take the boy out of high school, but you can't take the high school out of the boy...ever. Way to go Mom!

  7. If he can play like that with your mom, she must be pretty cool like you!

  8. Jayme, we MUST hook them up! LOL Jen, ain't that the truth. BV, my mama is mad cool! ;)

    Thanks everyone...glad you all got a giggle...a day in the life of Boobies..what can I say? Never a dull moment!

    Kim--all my love is with you doll!

  9. Great post omg it made me laugh and it sounds like the relationship my MOm and husband have at times. **blush**

    Praying for Kim.

  10. Your husband sounds far more entertaining than The TO. Thanks for the laugh!

  11. Well, I just like to thank you for sharing this entertaining blog here. I read it with lot of interest!!

  12. Looks like a great blog here. This is such quite informative blog. I also like the creativity of this blog mostly the blog pattern.


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