I just realised that today is Friday the 13th...maybe that's why it's a shit day. It has been a depressing day. I went out shopping which wasn't exactly fun! Why is it that when you go to the grocery store meaning to pick up one thing, that you end up buying the store?! Well it cost me over seventy dollars...yuck!
I ended up making an awesome alfredo tonight...but of course Rachid said it was shit. He has to be the most miserable person I've ever met. I must be kidding myself when I try to make things work with him. Life is so confusing...he treats me like shit half the time...why am I wasting my time? In my heart I want to believe he does love me...but...well...I don't know. You don't call the person you love a huge hippo. Some things I just can't ever forget. How do you walk away from a marriage? Was it all fake? I can't say it was all bad...we did have good times. Everything happens for a reason...I just wish stuff looked better right now. We don't spend any time together...we don't talk...we're like roomates more then husband and wife.
Tomorrow I think I'm going out with my friend Ayesha...she wants to see the Sex and the City movie. I really should get out more...I need to get a life. Since I've been married I haven't had much of one...feel that I have left them all behind. When you're married you shouldn't forget your friends. He has made it so that I kind of lost all my friends. My so called best friend Jeff ...I miss him so much. It's all because of Rachid that I don't talk to him anymore. He scared Jeff away...he was my best friend for years all through highschool. I even told Rachid that Jeff was gay...but still he wouldn't allow me to go out with him. He just didn't get it. Rachid has pushed me away....I am lonely.
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