Toilet Joke!

My mom just sent me this in an email. I found it cute and had to re-post!

OMG !!!!! I was in the public toilets and had just sat down, a voice from the next cubicle said "Hi !, how are you ?" Embarrassed, I said, "I'm doing fine". The voice said "So what are you up to ?". I said, "Just doing the same as you, sitting here !". From next door, "Can I come over?". Annoyed, I said " rather busy right now". The voice said, "Listen, i will have to call you back, there's an idiot next door answering all my questions".

Haha... Very Funny Mom... You Trying to Hint at Something?!

My mom sent this to me in an email to see what I would say. It gave me a bit of a laugh... enjoy!

I recently visited a mental asylum and I asked the director, "how can you know when a person needs to be institutionalized?" He said, "Well, we fill a bathtub with water and we offer them a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket and ask them to empty the tub." I said, "I see...a normal person would choose the bucket because it is bigger." He responded, "No. A normal person would pull the plug...would you like a bed by the window?"

What an Ass!

My friend sent this to me in an email and I had to share it with everyone. I think I was more shocked then anything, but it is a little funny at the end. Oh, and DO NOT watch at work or where someone could get offended.

Places Cats Sleep in but Shouldn't

Marriage Humour

Shutter Love Tuesday!

This weeks theme is "FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL"
To link up and get code, click on button above 

What a Woman Wants

My friend sent me this in an email... I thought it was cute so I wanted to share it with everyone.

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.


The question?... What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Why can't I own a Canadian

The other day I was visiting one of my regular fav's, when I came across a post that was too funny... I just had to repost it! Original post was on My Husband Misunderstood When I Said I Was Bi.

Why can't I own a Canadian

In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant
Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus
18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.

The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, written by a US man,
and posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

Post-it Note Tuesday

It's Post it Note Tuesday again... time to play with sticky notes!

They can be fun, lighthearted, notes to self, to do lists or just plain bitch notes left for others. Your choice. Get creative.

"What Happened to All the Nice Guys?"

I just came across this from Craigslist and I couldn't help myself I had to re-post it on my blog. This is a real ad that someone wrote! Hope you enjoy!

Originally Posted: Mon, 19 Nov 03:52 PST on Craigslist




I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I thought I'd take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven't figured it out.

What happened to all the nice guys?

The answer is simple: you did.

See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fucking treated you.

At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were "just friends." Besides, he totally wasn't your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.




Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice guys?"

Well, once again, you did.

You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive "just-a-" friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.

Fact is, now, he's probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.

So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do:

1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.
3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab ahold of it.

I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.

If you were five years younger.

So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've fucked yourself over. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn't fucking want you, now.

Sincerely,

A Recovering Nice Guy




•Location: LA
•it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 483318927

To the man shaving on the dufferin bus!

To the man shaving on the dufferin bus - w4m
Date: 2009-10-26, 12:25PM

Dear man shaving on the dufferin bus,
It was one of those really long days at work, i was exhausted and the bus was late again, and then you sat down beside me, took out a mirror and started shaving - wow! what a way to pick up my day! I couldn't help but notice the sexy way you tapped out the little hairs on the side of the seat. There is nothing more attractive than a man grooming excessively in public. Thank you for making my horrifying 5pm bus ride that much better.
Love,
dont fucking sit next to me on the bus
p.s to the woman with the ass hanging out: WEAR PANTS.



Location: dufferin bus line
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Original URL: http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/tor/1438270836.html

Fart Joke

A young lady unknowingly walks into an up-scaled Jewelery store. She spots the most beautiful diamond bracelet she has ever seen and leans over to look at it more closely, she inadvertently breaks wind as she bends over.

Very embarrassed, she quickly turns around to see if anyone has noticed her little incident. But, standing right behind her was the head salesman. He was as cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, he greets the lady with, 'Good day, Madam. How may I help you?'

She thought to herself ...maybe he did not witnessed her moment. she asks, 'Sir, what is the cost of this lovely bracelet?'

He smiles and answers, 'Madam, if you farted just by looking at it, you are definitely going to shit yourself when I tell you the price.'