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Wednesday 6 May 2015

Having A Hard Time Adjusting: Pregnancy Body

For as long as I can remember I've always struggled with my weight. Growing up as a kid, I was made aware of my weight issue and had been placed on almost every diet known to man. At one point in my life I had ballooned well over 300 Lbs, and  truly hated my life at that time. It took a lot of soul searching to get up the courage, to work at losing a huge portion of the weight. The last couple years I managed to get down below 200 Lbs, and I was fairly satisfied, and still had goals that I was working on when it came to weight loss. My next goal was 175 Lbs, and I haven't met that as of yet.

I have been blessed with finding out that I'm pregnant, whereas, I was always told that I would most likely never give birth to my own child - due to health issues. I'm currently 28 weeks pregnant, and having a hard time dealing with the issue of putting on weight. So far I'm at an even 200 Lbs, and terrified of putting more on. I had put on some weight, but then actually lost some. The early months of the pregnancy I had gone up over 210 Lbs, but somehow managed to drop 10 Lbs. Looking at myself in the mirror I'm supposed to see the pregnancy beauty - glow... I just see that I'm a huge hippo. My stomach looks huge, almost like when I was obese before. I hate my body... I feel so fat and ugly and uncomfortable. Nothing fits, and I can't exactly afford pregnancy clothes... which makes me wish I kept some of my old fat clothes from the past.

For those of you who have been following my blog for some time, you most likely read up on my weight loss journey... the gastric bypass surgery and other surgeries I've had. The doctors warn everyone who have the surgeries, of the hanging skin, possible health problems that can come after, etc.... nothing prepared me for this. Dropping weight does help, however, it's still something that is a daily struggle. No doctor can change the thoughts that are in your mind... they will always be there. If you're obese and trying to lose weight, no weight loss pill, diet plan, or surgery will fix your bad habits... it's got to come from within. Having an eating disorder, no matter what type, is a major struggle that will haunt you.

So that's where I'm at right now... my daily struggle to make sure that I eat healthy so that my little angel can grow, but at the same time trying to love myself even when I feel pregnant and fat. Today is a slight downer, but hopefully tomorrow I will be smiling.

1 comment :

  1. Hi kimberly, wow congrats on your pregnancy. I feel for you regarding the weight gain. Hang in there and treasure each and every week. Take pictures belly shots and write notes about the'll look back and smile after your little one is born.


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