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Saturday 29 October 2011

It's been a crazy week... Weekend Medical Update!

This past week has been quite hectic, and I'm feeling it mentally and physically. I've been out almost every night this week, and I'm feeling exhausted. Monday was the night that I fainted, which was quite scary. Tuesday I had group therapy, and my fiance stayed over since I was nervous to be alone. Wednesday was Diwali so I went to the temple for prayers, and then over to my fiance's families home for dinner and more prayers. I'm not Hindu myself, but I found it fascinating and very spiritual.

Then Thursday was my birthday, so my fiance and I went out to dinner. We went to Red Lobster since it was walking distance, and I ended up bringing most of my meal home. It's embarrassing eating out at times, as most of my meal is left on the plate. The waiter or waitress can see that I'm not some tiny person, yet I can only eat a small amount. I'm having a huge problem with it comes to self image... as I still feel like i'm over 300Lbs, yet I'm under 200Lbs. I'm having a BIG issue with the hanging skin, and trying to conceal it. I hate my body when I'm naked, and almost hate it as much as when I was fat. Weight loss surgery doesn't change the fact that I still have an eating disorder, and it's a constant battle that I deal with daily.

I believe I passed out because I forgot to eat that day. I can't go anymore without eating, or my sugar will drop to a low and will faint again. Now I'm terrified it will happen again, that I keep a protein shot in my purse along with glucose pills.

Last night was another party at the temple and I got all dressed up in an Indian dress again. I like all the sparkles and jewels on their clothes! Of course we were about an hour late and had to walk in when everyone was already there. Just what I love, being on spotlight and having people stare at me. I already stood out since I'm so white! It was a nice evening though, and ate some yummy food.

Today I'm feeling tired and run down, and I have so much to do. I have so many product reviews to complete today since I'm heading back to work Monday. I've been procrastinating with everything, and now it's piled up. I also want to do some music downloading since my fiance surprised me with an ipod! I accidentally deleted all my music files that I had saved, so I have to re-download... grrrr!

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