The Scary Truth

Tomorrow is a big day. Why you may ask? Well... I meet with the gastric bypass surgeon to schedule the date for surgery. Yep, I'm still planning on going through with it. My family was surprised that I didn't change my mind. I guess my mom thought that after my last surgery to have my right ovary and fallopian tube removed, that I would change my mind about this. With all the problems that I've been having with the PCOS, not a doubt in my mind that I want this surgery.

I'm sick and tired of being fat, and feeling unhealthy. If having this surgery will help me to lose half of me, then I will take the chance and do it. With losing over 100Lbs it should help towards the symptoms of PCOS. I look at it this way... if I didn't have the surgery, where would I be ten years from now? I feel that I would die without it. I don't want to be 40 and have a heart attack and die because of my weight. Even though I've lost weight in the past, I always seem to put it back on. Wish me luck that tomorrow goes well. I pray that the wait is short for the big day... I can't stand one more month with the hell of my PCOS. Any help that I can get to improve the symptoms of PCOS, I will take.

It would also be nice to lose weight and be able to do normal things again. You wouldn't realise what you're missing out on,  or extra problems you have because you're my size. Stuff like when travelling in an airplane having to use a seat belt extender... being able to walk without huffing and puffing or sweating... sweating and rashes in places because the skin rubs... not fitting in booths at a restaurant... being able to use a regular washroom stall... being able to shop at a normal clothing store... being able to go on a ride at an amusement park... being able to wipe your ass like you used to... sit on a bus without taking up more then one seat. The list just keeps going and going, and the problems will just continue to add up.

I want to be able to make love to my fiance without being in pain after. And not a good pain I mean! I don't want to feel crippled the day after like an old lady. I want to be able to do funky positions, or hold my legs up for long periods of time and not have to take pain killers after. Anyone else know what I mean? I'm 30 and I feel older then I should.

I finally got on the scale, and the scary number is higher then I expected. I had put on quite a bit and I'm so disappointed in myself. I'm 272Lbs. Dear God... please let me have the surgery within the next month or two. I want to live again... I want to walk down the aisle in a wedding dress and look beautiful and healthy.