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Monday, 14 June 2010

Another Panic Attack

As a result of my anxiety, I experience panic attacks. At times, I have become so overwhelmed with fear that I could hardly function at all. When the panic overcomes me, I hyperventilate and get nauseous. My throat gets tight and it is difficult to swallow. Food and water have actually gotten stuck in my throat.

When I have them I feel so alone and isolated, like no one else understands how I'm feeling. I feel like I'm crazy... just want to cry. When I try to explain to someone how I'm feeling... like my mother, she just says I'm lazy and that I don't want to go to work. I want to work, I love my job... it's just that sometimes I CAN'T work.

Sometimes I can't leave my house... I feel like I can't breathe, lightheaded... I can't explain... but sometimes I just can't go out.
Simple things like doing laundry, grocery shopping, work, talking on the phone, going to the mall or a movie... I can't do... I try to avoid. I have no social life anymore... I rarely go out. If I do go out... it's not alone.

It gets a grasp around me,
And tightens up its hold,
A bucket of emotions,
Quickly, then unfold.

Anxiety and fear,
With immobilizing power,
Turn life upside down,
Then proceed to devour.

Some handle life’s pressures,
Without emotions running high,
They function normally,

So why can’t I?