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Sunday 30 March 2008

Taking Back My Life

The last year I have been living a lie. I've been eating myself to death...been trapped inside a fat body. I've lost myself over the last couple years and it's time to take my life back. If you've read any of my previous blogs then you probably would have no clue that I'm ready for a divorce. I've been keeping it inside...pretending that everything was alright...well I can't do it any longer. I guess in a way...I was thinking that if I didn't say would just disappear or that it was going to go away. It was a nightmare all right...and I'm ready to wake up from it.

Tomorrow I'm starting a new that no longer includes me sponsoring my husband to stay in Canada. I no longer want to be married to him...I've already contacted a lawyer about a divorce. I deserve to be treated like a a human being...I have never been treated so poorly in my life until I married Rachid. At first I thought maybe he was bipolar...well I still think he is but I can't stay for him to find himself. In the process of this all I have lost who I am. I have become fatter...I no longer want to eat when I'm upset...I want to run...I want to dance...I want to smile and be healthy. Tuesday is my day off and I will be joining the gym down the street. I may be becoming poor because of the divorce...but I want to be healthy.

When you're with someone...if they love you they should accept you even if you put on 50lbs. They should love you for who you are...they shouldn't call you a huge hippo, or a fat cow or many other names that Rachid would throw at me. Instead of making should be incouraging the person to eat healthy.

The asshole is on his way home now and I have to cut this short. He will be in for a surprise tomorrow and the rest of the week when he is presented with the divorce papers. Wish me luck everyone...I definatly need it.

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